Boss Of Everything

March-ing Along

Posted on March 28th, 2010 by prinny.
Categories: News.

March eh? For about a poofteenth longer. My BABY is one year old on Thursday. Simply, ridiculous. A year has gone by since I couldn’t breath, move, bend over, sit up, imagine how great another general anaesthetic would be?! I simply don’t believe it. He’s a rockin’, rollin’ head on a stick.

LOUD, cunning, astute and discerning. Still can’t quite believe he’s not a little girl. This time twelve months ago I was quite sure Queenie was on her way. V glad to have Morrison instead. Girls bitch ‘n moan. Boys just bash ‘n destroy. I’ve never liked clean, Cruskit-free surfaces any way.

~~~~~~

Looking forward to a night out with Haggs on Wednesday. We’re attending a couple of festival activities, taking a page from Morrison’s book – only discerning choices this year.

Looking forward to seeing Rich Fulcher’s Eleanor (all the while being disturbed at just HOW MUCH he looks like me in drag…seriously, have you clicked the link yet and gone. “Oh my. Oh my gawd?!”) Noolly Thomas and Sam Simmons‘ new shows. Festival is just something that happens now, not something to obsess over for 10 months of the year. Not sure which side of the fence I actually fall when I REALLY think about it. Ok, let me straighten that thought out. I do NOT miss the insanity of Com Fest. I would not actually do another full season if someone paid me by the hour. With cash money. And gadgets. Ok, what kinda gadgets are we talking here?!.. no! No I really wouldn’t. Gis a wee stage somewhere in town, in the middle of the year, then you’re talking. Oh yes. Now you’re on.

Also looking forward to taking in a cuppla shows with my main squeeze, B. Babysitters to organise, sedatives to order and fire retarding agents to acquire. I am going to insist that he carry me most of the way and when I’m tired I will cling to his leg and stand on his feet so he can ‘walk me’ around. He’s adept at cleaning up spew so if I get squiffy, I wont need to worry about the state of myself and he’s also excellent at tucking one in to bed and telling one to ’shut up until morning’. The perfect dad date!

Speaking of the funny-ha ha and the funny-weird – Haggar and I are considering an Itchy Podcast. A) because there still isn’t anything that makes us laugh as much. B) because we can and C) goats cheese. Compelling reasons, one and all. Will let you know if we ever get our arses in to the correct gear to propel that idea further than unabashed enthusiasm. You’d tune in for the songs alone, am I right? “Bewly and the Beeeeest” Of course you would. You are but, human. Well part human, part man goat. You know who you are.

And just cause this is prob’ly my favourite photo ever. Miss Gerda, V 1.0 and her chicken with arms. (you can see, she’s got a little handbag… cause she’s old enough to go out… dontent chu know?)

You’re welcome.

me xxoo

(if you’re not already, enjoy the twitting, here.)

0 comments.

Janyooairy

Posted on January 30th, 2010 by prinny.
Categories: News.

Hullo lovers of all things, Janyooairy! ‘010 already eh? Hell, we’re 1/12th of the way through it! Conan’s been reamed by Leno. Haiti fall down go BOOOOOOM and I’ve washed the floorboards with the steam mop at least once. That’s Janyooairy for ya. A mixed bag if ever I’ve had one (and we ALL know, I’ve had ‘one’). Ok two. (the colostomy doesn’t count. How could it?!) Ok, nine times, tops. Get off my back!

Lessee… Oh, in December I did this, with my best friend. A Christianful Nativity… Itchy Style.

NOTHING giggles up my goat’s coat more than doing that with her. Damn, she’s fun! Deranged, obvs, but Eff Yoo En. A belated thanks to Toby Jean and Nooly Thomas (holy crap, that’s the cutest pic ever!) for allowing us to muck up their stage. And a bigger thanks to industrial bean bag zips in taffeta frocks for not giving way. I think we’ll do it again. Sometime this year. A bit of a show. Might be here in my bathroom (which is having the shit renovated out of it, thanksforarksking) or could be in a wee venue somewhere with moisture proof seats. Stand by for more news in that area. Actually, you might wanna take a seat. Or yes, wander off. It’s your call.

If I’ve said it once it’s cause I had an audience who loved and approved of me. Miss Itchy is the most fun you can have with your best friend and 8 metres of stained haberdashery. Mark. My. Words.

Speaking of mad women with paint brushes, Haggar’s been knocking up some bloody lovely ahhhhrt of late. For those of you who don’t know, one of her paintings was chosen to be the cover of the Victorian Bushfires Royal Commission Report (banner at top of page a SMALL sample of Hagg’s work). She’s been heavily involved with the Arts Alliance up in Kinglake, submitting gorgeous works for exhibition and sale. I fell in love with another one of her big pieces (oooh weh, Vicar) and she graciously sold it to me for a pittance, a pittance I tells ya! Now, all I need to do is wait for her to fall off her twig, penniless and missing one ear then I’m going on an auction frenzy, baby! I’m sittin on Blue Poles or The Portrait of Dr Gachet here, I tells ya!

In all seriousness, she’s good. She’s really proper good. Yes, she’s always been good, but man, this is a whole other level of accomplishment. (Do you get that she’s good at drawin n that? Have I painted the appropriate – word pickshar? Good! heh ) She’ll have her website up soon and you’ll be able to see some of her work. She doesn’t even colour outside the lines hardly ever, any more. Tops.

–~~–~~–~~–~~–~~–~~–~~–~~

In other Melbourne-centric news. This last week we lost, well no, we didn’t LOSE Dave. Cancer, shitty bloody pancreatic cancer came and got Dave and buggered off with him. No one here was finished with him. No one. Not his loving partner, Karen. His gorgeous babies, Spencer, Madeleine and Marieke. Not us. Hell, least of all, Dave! His memorial gig was last Thursday. It was a balls to the wall all out celebration of a great life. The most striking thing about the day was the complete representation of ALL facets of the comedy community. An unmitigated Full House. It’s the equivalent of The Ramones, Barry Manilow, Kiss, Emmylou Harris, Pavarotti, The Mattoid, Madonna and The Vapors all turning up for Celine Dion’s funeral – except not her, obvs. [insert someone REALLY good]. I simply can’t name another person in our industry who was so beloved and respected no matter which side of the stage you stood on. To say Dave will be sorely missed, is pithy. He leaves a gaping chasm that no one else will be able to fill. Those of us who knew him and were affected by him will simply be richer in every way for having done so.

Vale Dave. Say hi to Tarranto, Gibbo and Herouvim for us. Christ, there’s a show going on somewhere. We love you and miss you all very much. Hairy-Bum, do you need a new pair of thongs?

Go tell the people you love, how much you love them. Make sure your friends know what they mean to you. You can do it now when it counts or at the funeral when it really doesn’t carry the punch you’d like. S’your call.

Til next time.

fahey xxxx

3 comments.

See My Short Film

Posted on December 13th, 2009 by prinny.
Categories: News.

Or fillum as my Dad would say. It’s here. My Short Fillum. Go see it. Love it. Leave a comment.

Nikon are holding a short film contest. They ask, “So what’s it like to be you? Capture the essence of your day in a video of 140 seconds or less. It can be funny, touching or profound. It can be about everything you did, everything you didn’t do, the day’s biggest dilemma or its most telling detail.” As you can see, we went for ‘profound’. Living with a three year old with a large vocabulary is a lesson in, keeping a straight face. What’s the prize, you ask? Camera’s and stuff, mainly. I don’t expect to win, they judge on image quality – my trusty Canon aint no Nikon 5000D – and some of the entrants have used these gorgeous cameras. It’s like the difference between the Mona Lisa and an Etch-a-Sketch pic. But it was fun, Spike was in fine form and Mo in a mo is always good for giggles.

In other news, we have an Itchy gig this week. An Itchy Nativity – kinda says it all, doesn’t it? Guess which one of us is playing the Virgin Maree? Guess which one of us never ever gets a root – even when he’s married! The delightful Dr Grog, Tim Harris will be our able Narrator/Wise Man and lil one ball Adrian Calear will be the Arc Angel Gabriel and a Wise Man. We may or may not check his prosthetic plum. What are you waiting for?

Haggs was over her the other day and we wrote our play then cleaned up the pee. We have SO much fun, writing. It’s just the best part. We squealed and wheezed and wee’d! Just the old days… Come see us blaspheme, if there are any tickets left. It’s a long night with a LOT of Melbourne’s best and brightest character performers, we’ll be your rancid cream with a cherry on top.

So what do you have to do before you continue with your Xmas shopping, Hanukkah candle lighting or Kwanza… being black-ing? That’s right, click on the link to “Spike and Morrison’s Day… in moustaches.” and then click on the link to buy tickets to our very christianful Nativity play.

Good!

I do love, plans.

Miss Candy-Girl’s keeper xxxx

1 comment.

Stuff!

Posted on October 20th, 2009 by prinny.
Categories: News.

Psst, you know… I’m not sure if I’ve said this before but I fucken LOVE stuff!!! No seriously. Can NOT get enough of it. ‘Specially all this shiny stuff! Yeah, the kids are great and everything, if you like that kind of thing but a new telly!? Nothing beats it!

Ok, two new tellies. Sure, that would be better.

Or a bigger newer one than the one I just got. Mmm, might be better.

Shaddap, you’re distracting me from the telly.

(Spike loves BBC News. He finds the CNN feed, full of fluff and SBS news; too patronising.)

My brother had the first (or bloody close to it) plasma screen telly in Australia. He won it. I had the wall space to hang it. Yay me! I mean, congratulations Noel. It was the year 2000 (the one Conan O’Brien tells future-tales from) and the Syderney Olympics were on. What a time to have a wall busting $20,000 telly. Yup, retarded eh? Its RRP (recommended retail price) was twenty grand. Here we are, nine years later and (thanks to a special someone to whom I shall bequeath all my finest spare eyes) I just picked up a new 42″ plasma for UNDER $600. I know this is a stupid deal and I got very lucky but still, it’s RRP is still well under $2,000. It’s also about 320kg lighter!

Wouldn’t it be nice if house prices worked the same way? Not as a seller, obvs! Actually, that IS kinda what’s happened in LA. The same warehouse/loft apts we were looking at in ‘05 for $600 and 800k are now begging to be sold for high 3’s mid 400’s. (I know cause they keep sending me emails) Fuhgeddabout the rest of the country littered with a ‘burbsworth of over capitalised houses and over mortgaged householders… [From Time.com] “dropping property values have driven homes, on average, down to what they cost four years ago. Add in all those home equity loans people used to free up cash, and you’re left with a situation where more than 18% of homeowners now owe more than their house is worth.” We’ve remained remarkably untouched here in Australia. Yay if you’re selling, boo-hiss if you’re buying.

Wow, depressing.

Where was I? Ah yes… new shiny stuff!! Hubbalicious has imposed a Gadget Ban on the Scott Household for the rest of 09. He says we’ve reached our gadget limit (like there could even be such a thing!) for the year. Right after he said this, our microwave pirouetted its last dance and sputtered to a stop. Dead. Completely off of it’s bones. The microwave that is less than 2 yrs old so I made a “Not happy, Jan” phone call to Sanyo Pty Ltd. Turns out the man was very nice and offered to cover it under warranty – even though it’s out of warranty if I could find proof of purchase…

I hate filing cabinets.

Love tellys.

Hate filing cabinets.

Till next time!

Bossy Big Telly Haver, Cold Drink Drinker xxxx

Follow the MissItchy madness on Twitter. There’ll be more live stuff from us before the year’s out. Gird both loins and spay your cats. xxxx

2 comments.

It Wasn’t That Bad.

Posted on September 20th, 2009 by prinny.
Categories: News.

Frocks were unfurled. [TICK]
Industrial strength sleeping bag zips were tested to tension levels previously untested. [TICK]
Wigs were shaken and shaken and stepped on before being donned. [TICK TICK]
The next two days were spent doubled over, laughing.

The pony was dusted off and re-jawed (thanks Dr Tim).

Oysters (we only needed one, but got six cause we’re out of practice) a cats leash (for the aforementioned) a small roast pork to play the part of our iPig, a little footy, forks, socks and a stapler (they go together) and a ‘bushfire victim’ to sew to Candy-Girl’s undies were purchased items on our To Get List.

Our warehouse was strewn with things both strange and familiar. If the police/child services had burst in they would probably have drawn their weapons and retreated to a safety corner. My three month old, innocent infant son was ’serenaded’ by a deranged Gerda who kept asking the crying waif, “What’s the matter with you, you stupid little kid.” And, “I can do that too. Waaaaah! Waaaah!” (he seems ok, a little gun-shy of matted red beehive hairdos, which isn’t a problem until we hit Brunswick Street) and Spike wandered around, trying things on (a loin chop headband, a meat bikini and about a kilo of gold plastic beads). He only once asked, “What’s this?” “Ah, that’s a bed pan, son. Give it back to Arnie (his name for Linda).”

We wrote 20 minutes of brand spanking new material. Much of it, hysterically out of control in the car (just like the olden days). Requests were taken and some even, performed. Not executed to exacting standards but hey! It’s been [almost] 10 years!!

I gotta say. I LOVED the new stuff. It’s all for keeps. We introduced Miss Candy-Girl’s pet Oyster, Janet. She was led in on a cat leash (and some sticky tape, if I’m honest. Now, ask me how do you get sticky tape to STICK to a wet, fresh oyster?) “She does tricks! She sits. Get’s kicked and tells the future.” But before the oracle could foretell she was eaten by a jealous (and very game!) Gerda.

See? Nothing’s changed.

We had a chat about racism, “It’s just a word. A funny funny word.” “Ya window!” discussed the merits of being good and therefore being allowed to have a little footy. [Fail] We scrawled the REAL lyrics to Michael Jackson’s Thriller on a large canvas and made the audience sing along. I believe Michael himself popped by and ‘hiii heee’d”. Candy-Girl showed everyone her bushfire victim (we’re not sure WHY it was stuck to her undies but there ya go!) and Candy-Girl listened to her favourite song, “All the Single Ladies, Alla Single Ladies, Alla Single Ladies, Alla Single Ladies Alla Single Ladies…” on her iPig. All the while stuffing forks in socks, then stapling them shut with her best friend, Miss Gerda. You’re welcome, Joshie.

It was both easy and strange being back on stage. I kept standing on the “wrong side”, which threw me and I’m sure, Haggar off. We (again) realised that we should never ‘make do’ and if we need a waist high table, we need to ask for it! We also need radio mics. No more ‘projecting to the back of the room’! Too many jokes got lost. And at least five thousand times, I found myself staring at Gerda’s wig and pissing myself totally out of character. You can forget about the man pants. It was so so so SO much fun.

And here’s a teaser;

Thanks to my beloved for all the techy filmic work and the laborious task of editing our ramblings. Thanks also to Nelly’s hubby for the gorgeous photos, ditto, Whitey Milighty. Thank you to those people who never forgot us who came out in droves to see us shamble our way across stage in our own retarded way. It still is, odd stuff. Dangerous and funny as fluff on a stick.

Will we be back?

Watch out for the Xmas show at the divine, Character Comedy Night. Rumour is one of us will be playing the vestige virgin Mary (who has a bit of IVF) and one of us will be playing Frustrated Joseph who never gets to even finger the virgin mother let alone root her and is then expected to bring up some other bloke’s kid. Alphonso will be ridden into town. We shall reinforce his back.

More video to come. Thriller at the very least.

Thanks again everyone.

Watch this spot.

(Thank you thank you Toby and Nellie and your spectacular Techie.)

Miss Candy-Girl’s Keeper xxxx

And you call follow the Twittering, here.

2 comments.

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