Boss Of Everything

Stuff!

Posted on October 20th, 2009 by prinny.
Categories: News.

Psst, you know… I’m not sure if I’ve said this before but I fucken LOVE stuff!!! No seriously. Can NOT get enough of it. ‘Specially all this shiny stuff! Yeah, the kids are great and everything, if you like that kind of thing but a new telly!? Nothing beats it!

Ok, two new tellies. Sure, that would be better.

Or a bigger newer one than the one I just got. Mmm, might be better.

Shaddap, you’re distracting me from the telly.

(Spike loves BBC News. He finds the CNN feed, full of fluff and SBS news; too patronising.)

My brother had the first (or bloody close to it) plasma screen telly in Australia. He won it. I had the wall space to hang it. Yay me! I mean, congratulations Noel. It was the year 2000 (the one Conan O’Brien tells future-tales from) and the Syderney Olympics were on. What a time to have a wall busting $20,000 telly. Yup, retarded eh? Its RRP (recommended retail price) was twenty grand. Here we are, nine years later and (thanks to a special someone to whom I shall bequeath all my finest spare eyes) I just picked up a new 42″ plasma for UNDER $600. I know this is a stupid deal and I got very lucky but still, it’s RRP is still well under $2,000. It’s also about 320kg lighter!

Wouldn’t it be nice if house prices worked the same way? Not as a seller, obvs! Actually, that IS kinda what’s happened in LA. The same warehouse/loft apts we were looking at in ‘05 for $600 and 800k are now begging to be sold for high 3’s mid 400’s. (I know cause they keep sending me emails) Fuhgeddabout the rest of the country littered with a ‘burbsworth of over capitalised houses and over mortgaged householders… [From Time.com] “dropping property values have driven homes, on average, down to what they cost four years ago. Add in all those home equity loans people used to free up cash, and you’re left with a situation where more than 18% of homeowners now owe more than their house is worth.” We’ve remained remarkably untouched here in Australia. Yay if you’re selling, boo-hiss if you’re buying.

Wow, depressing.

Where was I? Ah yes… new shiny stuff!! Hubbalicious has imposed a Gadget Ban on the Scott Household for the rest of 09. He says we’ve reached our gadget limit (like there could even be such a thing!) for the year. Right after he said this, our microwave pirouetted its last dance and sputtered to a stop. Dead. Completely off of it’s bones. The microwave that is less than 2 yrs old so I made a “Not happy, Jan” phone call to Sanyo Pty Ltd. Turns out the man was very nice and offered to cover it under warranty – even though it’s out of warranty if I could find proof of purchase…

I hate filing cabinets.

Love tellys.

Hate filing cabinets.

Till next time!

Bossy Big Telly Haver, Cold Drink Drinker xxxx

Follow the MissItchy madness on Twitter. There’ll be more live stuff from us before the year’s out. Gird both loins and spay your cats. xxxx

2 comments.

Dexter

Posted on September 24th, 2008 by prinny.
Categories: Stories.

B has always said, “you really do love the broken people”. (I know, I married his perfect arse!)

It DOES explain the majority of our friends but now really… Faulty? Defective? On le fritz?

Ok, it’s true. I do. I am attracted to them like an Autistic child to a bag of cotton balls. If there’s something a little odd about you, I’m probably your friend. The more abnormal you are, the more I likes ya. If you know, you are rock the walls nuts… well, that person is Linda and she’s my best buddy – you leave her alone!!

I’m not sure what the macarbe attraction is? Perhaps it’s just my incredible normality and wonderfulness that forces me to bond with those, less like me.

Eh, it’s a theory.

I’m completely in love with Dexter. At the best of times, I am a sucker for a well written, well executed (all puns intended) show but this one is exceptionally wonderful. I mean, it’s always nice to take a serial killer and make him likeable. Sympathetic even. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that he’s pretty (yes, I’m shallow too). But this one just hits all the right buttons. B got me Series Two on DVD, it comes in an Evidence Bag with a toe tag, police tape and a rubber glove. (I am also a sucker for good marketing.) He also borrowed the book, Darkly Dexter Dreaming, which is great. Books being what they are, it gives a little more insight into the 2nd string characters and explains who they ’should’ be, a bit better. LaGuerta is a such a clichéd character on the show but she isn’t in the book, so I can like her a bit more. Ditto Sergeant Doakes. He’s not just an ‘angry black man’ he’s the only one in a sea of policemen who gets the creeps from the serial killer in their midst. And that makes me go, ‘heh’. Heh!

House is another example of a splendid show but the difference is the only character I give a flying sigmoidoscopy about is, Hugh Laurie’s House. I’m glad Amber’s dead, what a nongbag. Wilson’s a puss. The Aussie bloke’s a wanker, the Indian guy is annoying and the chick with the Huntington’s is a pain in increasingly shuffling arse. The woman, Cuddy/Cutty/Flubby whateverhernameis is an irritated itch in a too-tight designer suit that must be sewed on to her each episode. And if there’s more characters, I probably don’t like them much either. House is the only proper broken one. Casting Hugh Laurie was either a stroke of genius OR he’s a more brilliant actor than anyone ever gave him credit for. I like to think it’s a bit from column A a little from Vial B.

Why aren’t we making these kinds of shows here on our shores? Ok. Rhetorical. I know the bloody frustrating answers but really – come on! Someone put your balls in your pockets and take a chance!

And if you’re a little bit broken, have I got a script for you!

Til next time.

She Who Knows All xxxx

5 comments.

The opening sequence of my new show…

Posted on June 17th, 2008 by prinny.
Categories: Uncategorized.

I know, gripping isn’t it?! And that’s just the first 10 mins!

Me xxxx

2 comments.

ABCDEF…WYZ A Make Your Own Words Kit.

Posted on May 13th, 2008 by prinny.
Categories: Stories.

Writing is such a joyful experience for me. Yes probably because I find it easy and I’m exceptionally good at it. Yes, that’s probably it. Hmm? Nope, not listening – that is most assuredly the reason! Comedy and I have had a bit of a fight. So I’ve turned away from it (that fickle whore) at the moment to throw down a bit of dramatic hoo-hah, Final Draft style. My *friend Rich asked, “What kind of drama? Is it funny??” heh That’s a suspicious comic for ya. Answer? Yeah, ’tis, actually. Well at least it got a few chuckles around the table-read the other day. (Humongous thanks to those who participated, btw.) It’s such a fine line betwixt the funny and the ‘oooh!” Fleety once said, “Funny + Sad = Art.” A saying I love. He also says, “Hurry, Daddy’s vein is going down.” But that’s the good thing about junkies. You don’t need to listen to e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g they say. Every second thing will do. I love the line good ‘funny’ treads. GOOD funny has truth to back it up. It has guts and a heart. Or, occasionally it’s just someone falling down. Hard. Ok, slapstick isn’t helping my cause here…

Chris Morris is about my favourite comedian/writer in the whole swollen world (as if you didn’t even hardly know!). Trying to explain him to people is an exercise in utter frilly, futility. He’s just… and then he says… then he got arrested for copying dogs… Do your brain a huge favour and just look him up. Jam (is sublime), Brass Eye, This Day Today, the exquisite Nathan Barley. B says, “he’s not for beginners” which sums him up beautifully. (Both B and Chris Morris!) He’s simply generations ahead of anything or anyone else on the planet. I think the only one who comes close is another Brit, **Simon Munnery. Completely different writers but both so incredible. And ‘incredible’ is such a shit word to describe either of them. They need their own word. Like, Fanmastical. Yes. They’re fanmastical and they both fill me with overwhelming (brain) avarice. But so what. I just wrote a show about ladies! So there! Take that you big… bums! (Woo, I am on FIRE!)

What’s my point? Oh yeah, words ‘n shit. They’re nice and good, aren’t they? My son is learning new words every day. The latest being ‘oh-gurt’. (Vanilla Jalna if you don’t mind.) It’s so fascinating to watch him grapple his way around what we say to him. We’re still having a bunch of fun with it. For instance, I’ll get up and leave the room and B will say to the baby, “If you were a better baby, she wouldn’t leave.” We don’t turn Family Guy off when he’s in the room, nor do we edit what we say to each other. (Ok, we’ve started to spell b-a-t-h and w-a-l-k but you get the picture.) i hope he loves language as much as we do. I also hope he has his father’s grammar skills and my… skin. I have lovely skin.

My other favourite thing (what I love) is my iPhone. Do I have an iPhone? Wait, lemme check… why yes iDo! We picked up it on our last visit back to ‘the old country’. It is simply the best piece of technology ever invented. I love how it rIngs and it gets eMail and how it cApitilises every second lEtter in a wOrd. I love it’s iPoddiness, it’s Google Maps and it’s full screen You-Tubeish bahaviour. I love that it makes my conversations smarter, my hair shinier and my lung function in the top 90% in the country! The only thing I love more than my iPhone (and my baby and hubby blah blah blah) is FREE WIFI! (Hold on for a ‘here’s what’s wrong with this country’ rant – you know what, go pop the kettle on). The friggen price of accessing the internet is completely and utterly retarded in the biggest tongue in the biggest hydrocephalic-head sense. Forget the mobile roaming shit – that’s a whole nuther point of contention – I’m just talking about regular garden variety broadband/dsl/adsl2 access. $60? We pay $15 for UNLIMITED access in LA. Why am I paying $60 a month in Melbourne? (Ok $50 for the bundled package but again, don’t go there girlfriend cause I have a backlog of pent up hate for Netspace – Nutscrape THE shittiest of the Telco’s currently raping the country – that is at fever pitched breaking point on any given day.) I’ll tell ya “why”. Cause a 1 or 2 gig allowance per month is arse-punching bullshit of the highest order! Even my mother uses more than a gig a month. WHY do we have ‘capped’ usage at all?! Is it because Oliver’s Mr Bumble himself sits at the helm of The Internets and doles it out as HE see’s fit? “Well ferfucksake sir, I’d like some bloody more!” Australia, we’re turning into a slipshod little backwater. Kids in Haiti and Mongolia have better internet access than we do! And if any of those kids participating in the OLPC program knew how screwed up it is here, they’d be outraged too. They would sign my email petition. “If you don’t pass this on to 10 friends, your goat will die.”

Yes I realise what I’ve just written.

Like I said, I’m good at words ‘n that.

Thank you.

It’s a gift.

A gift and a burden.

But mostly a gift.

I shall go fan myself with an old script (nice callback) and download some more stuff onto my iPhone (zing!).

“Did you hear, she has an iPhone?”

iFahey xxxx

*(gawd I hate MySpace. Rich, get a pretty website already!)
** (et tu, Munners? Et tu?)

2 comments.